National Erotic Humiliation Day 2019 - FEAR

The following blog was written with Brigit Delaney's #eroticjournalchallenge

https://brigitdelaney.com/2019/09/the-erotic-journal-challenge-october-fears-insecurities/#

FEAR, Insecurity, Anxiety, and Self-Doubt

For some of us, fear holds us back from experiencing life to its limits. For others, fear is a catalyst. Whatever its place in your life, consider how fear, insecurity, anxiety, and self-doubt affect your erotic/sexual existence, either as an individual, a lover, or a writer.

"Has fear been part of your kink?"

Up until this past year, I never thought fear was part of my kink. I always identified embarrassment as it relates to forced stripping my primary kink, assuming embarrassment was a separate emotion from fear. As I have thought more about what emotions my kink taps into, I realize fear has a very potent role in many aspects of my life.

I remember dating someone several years back who would become very anxious to public acts of embarrassment. When I say anxious, even watching someone else do something awkward would make her uncomfortable. She would need to look away or leave the room, just from watching someone else do something embarrassing.  Need an example? She mentioned being very anxious watching this: http://www.cc.com/video-clips/eot1dx/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-tori-amos

Embarrassment is the surface emotion, but what is so bad about embarrassment?

In my own clinical work, judgement is something I have become very attune to identify. Words like "should" "guilt," and "feel bad" are all tied to shame. Embarrassment, is on the lighter side of this spectrum. We become hypervigilent of the threat of embarrassment. So what is the big deal about being embarrassed? My kink, forced stripping, usually isn't a big deal for someone who is comfortable with their body, and for exhibitionists, it's exciting. It's not the exposure, it's not the fear of exposure, it's the shame. shame underlies fear. and with shame comes judgement towards the self. Any threat to our sense of self is scary, because it taps into our thoughts as to who we are. Fear - Embarrassment - Shame. With exposure, it's not being naked that might be embarrassing, it's exposing what we don't want others to see. We may be comfortable naked in the right light or when our bodies look a certain way, but if there's threat of being seen in an unfavorable way, then we run and hide.

I find humiliation and embarrassment sexy because underlying that is a sense of vulnerability. It strips the individual of their armor that they try to present to the world. It scares us to think that we will not be seen as we wish to be seen. I once spoke with a friend who had no shame in walking around naked in public. When I asked them to imagine walking in public with their pants around their ankles, they said they could never do that, because that would be embarrassing. For them, that image was not how the wanted others to see them. In my field of psychology, social justice is another important aspect of my training. We are challenged to confront our own biases over gender, ability, sexuality, and race. Bring up any of these topics at a dinner party and what do you hear?

"No talking about politics"

"Why does everything have to be about race?"

"let's talk about something else."

What do phrases like these do? They avoid. What's the emotion? Discomfort? Annoyance? Fear...fear of what? Fear of saying something wrong? Fear that something will be misunderstood? Fear of being seen as racist? Again, underlying this fear is embarrassment or shame as being seen as such. From my own personal experience, these are things I have thought, done, or said at one point in my life. I was afraid of saying something wrong, because an anti-racist stance was what mattered to me. To say something wrong would invoke embarrassment, shame, and anger towards myself. These are powerful emotions and why I like kink is because it allows us to tap into emotions we otherwise try to avoid. Enter my short story "Privilege"

Privilege was my attempt at exploring how race, accountability, and silence can be used as a form of embarrassment in the context of kink. I initially wanted to resist writing it and when I identified my own resistance, I knew that was a sign that I needed to write it. Having seen silence in many classrooms used to avoid confrontation over the topic of race, I could see how it is used to protect the ego, protect one from being challenged, to protect one's dignity, often times, White people's dignity. I love the word "dignity", because in a forced stripping context, the loss of dignity usually results in someone being naked and exposed. That's why i am delighted when I discover new ways to apply my kink, especially in contexts that might not seem sexy at all. In the case of "Privilege" it is the topic of critical race theory in the classroom.

As I write this blog I still have fear, because i know what type of reaction the topic of race invokes from people on the internet. But as I celebrate Erotic Humiliation Day, I am happy to share with you all a new story that is perhaps the most personal as it mixes my life experience and my professional work with my passion. When I think more about the fear - embarrassment dynamic, I see so many new doors and possibilities and I can't wait to see where this takes me next. 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07ZCKQHL9

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/987115

Happy Erotic Humiliation Day

The Suit - Immodest Collection volume 2 sample excerpt

I've been giving a lot of love to the second story of the Immodest Collection and you've all seen the cover which comes from the first story. But I have not given much attention to The Suit, which was my nod to superhero comics. Typically we're supposed to look up to the superhero and they are often written to be perfect, physically and interpersonally. We are not supposed to question their values or behavior because, they are the hero. This inflexible mental "armor" gave me a great idea for an embarrassed nude female story. Enjoy a brief excerpt from The Suit and then check out the Immodest Collection Volume 2: Stories of Exposure and Shame on Amazon and Smashwords. 

The crackled sound of radio static interrupts my sleep and causes me to slam my hand on my snooze button. Through one open eye, I see it’s not my alarm clock going off. It’s my police scanner.

"...all units, report to the Bank of the Nation off Michigan Avenue. Shots have been fired. Eye witness accounts say it’s the Engineer."

"Shit." I whip my sheets off and roll out of bed, slapping my face to wake up.

"Remember, the Engineer will be armed and is extremely dangerous, do not engage..."

I scramble to pack my suit, I don’t need to listen to the rest, I remember. It was at the Natural History Museum, the Engineer tried stealing the tomb to a 14th century warlord. He booby trapped the place with motion sensor-activated automatic rifles. The memory of the dumbstruck look on his face when he saw bullets bouncing off my suit makes me smile. That and remembering the cracking sound of his ribs when my gauntlet connected with his chest. His frail body flew back several feet and landed ass-first into a garbage can. The memory brings back the fuzzy sensation all the way down to my toes.

The Engineer escaped six months later. Prison guards reported hearing him rant about “that butch bitch who needed armor to compensate for her inferior strength.” The word “butch” makes me laugh because it’s so different from my actual appearance. I wear makeup in public, I go to the salon to straighten my long black hair, and I have a closet full of tube top dresses that I adore because of the way they hug my tiny frame. That’s why I love being Riot, because I can beat up a dangerous criminal like the Engineer and I can be feminine the day after. It’s a shame I can’t reveal that to him but he can hold onto his “butch fantasy” all he wants.

The Bank of the Nation covers half of a block in downtown Detroit. I know a few spots that are safe to park my van two blocks away behind an abandoned factory. I slip into the back of the van and change into the Riot suit. Once I put my helmet on I leap out of the van. My steel boots slam into the ground and I slowly make my way towards the bank, each step feels like a sledgehammer slamming into the pavement. The air is humid, I’m already sweating in my suit but it’s a price I’m willing to pay to feel nothing.

I take a shortcut through the alley and step onto the sidewalk. The sound of my steps draws attention from the crowd grouped behind the barricade. They hold their phones up for pictures. I wave before I see an officer in uniform run up to me.

"We were wondering if you'd show up. Riot-er Ms. Riot-Mrs?” He looks young. The lack of facial hair gives him a babyface, a cute babyface with freckles. His body on the other hand reminds me of a football player with his wide shoulders and tight forearms. My boots me so much he has to look up to maintain eye contact. I try not to smile too much.

"Riot is fine. Any hostages?" I ask in a graveled tone of voice by straining my throat.

Officer Babyface shakes his head, "They all came out with their hands on their heads. Said that the Engineer killed two guards. We think he’s in the vault. The captain told us all to stand by but I guess you don’t have to worry about any danger.” He stops to scratch his head as he examines my suit. “I sure wouldn’t want to be him. What is it made of?” 

His eyes are level with my chest and I clear my throat, “Why don’t you let the others know I’m coming?”

“Right. Sorry!” He touches the radio resting on his shoulder, "Dispatch, Riot has arrived. I'm sending her over."

I wait for confirmation before continuing towards the bank. A parade of squad cars surrounds the massive twenty story building. A detective runs up to me as I approach the steps. He stops when I hold my hand up. The armored fist is the size of his head. "I already know the situation. Just sit tight, I need to teach him a harder lesson this time."

"Be careful, we don't know what booby traps he's set up. We heard shots fired before the hostages ran out."

I can’t resist being corny in that moment. I slowly turn my head to reveal a smirk. “Bullets aren’t my problem.”

Approaching the glass doors, I pull my arm back before driving my right fist through them. Shards explode and scatter across the tile floor. I step inside and the glass crushes under my boots. My head turns slowly from left to right as I take in the sight of a deserted lobby.

"Okay Engineer. I have better shit to do than play around. Why don't you save us all some time and surrender?"

My hands clench tighter once I hear a speaker system come on. "I've been waiting for you again Riot." his monotone voice is so deep it makes the speakers give off feedback. "You're right. Let's get down to business, I'm waiting by the vault on the other side of the bank."

"Smart man. I’d advise you to have your hands up by the time I get there. I'd hate to have to smash your toys after you worked so hard on them.

I hear the speaker cut off and roll my eyes, he’s so damn serious. I walk past the teller desk and through the metal detectors.  My upbeat mood is soured when I pass through a doorway and see two security guards lying face down on the ground. I clench my jaw, slowing the pace of my walk as I round the corner and see a massive round steel door slightly open. A sliver of fluorescent light spills out.

My left forearm shields my face as I approach the door, using my right to grab the handle and pull it wide open. My pulse rises as I step into the vault shouting, "Hands up Engineer!"

The interior of the 500 square foot roomis lined with metal lockboxes. Standing in the center of it all, a White bald male in his 50s. The red in his beard has started to turn gray. He wears brown khakis and a green plaid button up. Thick bifocal glasses magnify the hate in his dark brown eyes.

"Ms. Riot." His graveled tone is devoid of any warmth in his greeting. "How’ve you been?"

"I guess I didn't hit you hard enough last time." I see a black remote in his hand. His thumb rests on a red button. "Drop the device and you get to keep your teeth."

His body shakes and I see a vein on his forehead. He holds both hands in the air as if to comply, then his thumb pushes the button. "Oops."

I hear a rumble from outside, followed by a humming sound encompassing the entire vault. My eyes shift to the floor, then the ceiling. I hear metal tapping and I hold my hands up to protect my face. It’s not gunfire, it’s the rattling of coins bouncing inside their metal lock boxes. I can’t move my legs, but I notice my feet sliding toward the wall. “Shit.”

I try to lower my arms, but they won’t budge. My breathing gets heavier as I square my hips, trying to put weight into my heels. My triceps and shoulders burn as I try resisting the force pulling me away.

"What's the matter Riot? Is my magnet too much for you?" the Engineer stands next to me with his hands held behind his back.

My head dips ever so slightly, and then I curse when my helmet rips off my head, the red tint replaced with the natural colors of the room. I hear the thud of my helmet sticking to the wall. My pony tail falls loose.

"Mmm, you're a pretty one." The Engineer leans closer. His smile reveals a row of yellow teeth. "What's your name?"

"Fuck you!" I swing my right arm at him, only to lose balance as my right gauntlet rips off my fingers. Before I can save it, the other gauntlet sails towards the wall. With my weapons gone, I stare at my trembling arms. Unlike the bulging shape of my gauntlets, they lack any muscle tone, looking like rubber pencils in comparison. 

I’m snapped out of my trance when a high pitched squeal echoes in the vault. I look down and see the bolts around my chestplate shaking loose. A lump in my throat forms as I try not to wince in front of my enemy. I look back and reach for the doorway. I’m able to grab onto the edge with both hands. Turning my body is a mistake as my feet lift off the ground. I scream, looking down to see metal bolts shoot across the room. The chest and back piece split apart and collide into the wall,

I feel a breeze against my midriff and I kick my legs. "Stop it!" I shout in my natural voice, too panicked to hold onto my bravado. The tank top I wear might as well be a bra with how small it is.

           "Sorry, the remote is fried. Forgot the magnet was going to ruin the hardware." The Engineer dangles the remote before dropping it. "I hope you wore something under there."

Book cover reveal: Immodest Collection Volume 2!

It took over two years, but I'm happy to share with you all that The Immodest Collection Volume 2: Stories of Exposure and Shame will be out May 24th on Smashwords and Amazon! You can pre-order it now on Amazon and Smashwords . Let's all celebrate National Masturbation Month with three new enf tales focused on forced stripping. I wanted to explore some fantasy elements this time around so not only will you get embarrassed nude females, you will get medieval fantasy, superhero fantasy, spanking, wedgies, and other erotic encounters that would not be able to be published here on DA. Book cover by Jes Richardson

Plucking the Peacock
Queen Anna Wismont has conquered every realm in the land of Altrea. She seduced every king and forced them to serve her as slaves. When she learns of a mysterious "Golden City" across the sea, Anna sets sail to meet the Emperor so that she can take his kingdom. Will Anna succeed in taking the Emperor for everything he owns or will she leave the Golden City more than just empty handed?

Reconciling
Robin is a newly hired professor seeking tenure. Her future is dependent on meeting with the Dean at the department banquet. But when an unfortunate spill ruins her dress, Robin is forced to seek help from the person she's tried to avoid, her ex-girlfriend. How will Robin manage to fix her dress before the banquet when her only salvation is a woman she hasn't spoken to in years?

The Suit
Amanda Shepard has protected the city of Detroit from criminals as the superhero, Riot, a brawler who fights crime using an armored suit. But when a former dominatrix, called the Mistress, comes onto the scene, Amanda becomes jealous of the Mistress stealing her thunder. When both of them go after the same villain, what will Amanda do when she suffers a humiliating loss and becomes the unwilling damsel in distress?

For the Love Of Miss Truth

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

"Sing"

"...squeezing hard enough to make me grunt. My nipple stiffens as the pain signals travel straight to my heart. Even though her grip is hard, the gloves feel like a soft caress, making my toes curl the more her hands leave their red marks over me."

Finally finished an illustration from my short story "Sing" which can be found in The Big Book of Submission Volume 2.

Pre-order it on Amazon here

Or add it to your Goodreads list

Please give it a review if you have a chance and buy the book when it comes out December 19.

The Big Book of Submission, Volume 2 published by Cleis Press

In about a month I will be reaching a new milestone in my career as an erotica writer. I am honored that one of my stories will be part of the Big Book of Submission, Volume 2: 69 Kinky Tales published by Cleis Press. The book will be available in ebook form in December and then in Print in January but you can pre-order copies now.

You can find it on Amazon at: mybook.to/submissionbook2
Also, it's really helpful to add the book to Goodreads which you can find here:  https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36286814-big-book-of-submission-volume-2?ac=1&from_search=true

This was a really fun anthology to submit to (tee hee). It was a shorter format than I had ever been used to which meant writing a full embarrassment story that I take a longer time building up in order to make the loss of status that much more enjoyable for the reader. What did I learn? A LOT. This story forced me to focus a lot on the senses. As a result, it's a more stripped down version of what you might have read from me before but I'm very proud of this work. Reading this story makes me crave sex, not just for the physical gratification but for the intimacy of having a willing partner. One thing that gets missed in play scenes is the laughter and joy that comes from enacting our kinks with someone we love.

 If you're looking for a variety of sexy kinky tales or if you're an author looking to hone your craft in erotica, give The Big Book of Submission, Volume 2: 69 Kinky Tales a read. When I started submitting to Cleis Press stories, I bought two of their books just to get a feel for other folks' style in writing erotica. I'm happy to see the work pay off. I owe my thanks to all of you who gave me good or critical feedback and know I wouldn't have stuck it out this long if I didn't know i had other friends who shared my same kinky interests. I also am thankful to Rachel Kramer Bussel for providing these opportunities for erotica writers. Check out my story "Sing" in BBOS volume 2 in December! J.C. Parker